I feel bad for not writing. I feel bad for not painting. I feel bad for not finishing my projects. I have so many ideas bottled up inside my brain but I get home and I’m so tired. So. Tired. I can’t even think. I just want to do something mindless. Like watch TV. Or play Farkle. Once, I played 35 games of Farkle. In a row. On Friday night I watched six hours of TV after work. SIX HOURS. O me. O Life! I feel like it’s passing me by, O me, O life.
I spend hours on Etsy seeing so much fun stuff and getting so much inspiration. Like this:
And this:
And this:
I’m stuck. Unmotivated. Bored? (I hope not!) Tired? (Likely.)
Let me show you everything I’ve started and can’t get myself to finish:
1. A painting of Mark… I started this so long ago (winter 08). Dreadful. It’s acrylic on canvas.
2. I started this one last winter… March I think? And it’s just doodles in acrylic on canvas.
3. This is a knitted blanket (or 1/3 of one). I’ve been knitting this damn thing since winter 2006. TWO THOUSAND SIX!!!! I have so much yarn collected for this that I could knit sweaters for Jon, Kate, and all Eight. Plus the Branjelina Clan.
4. I started this mitten last week. Hah! Yeah. Wishful thinking.
5. In this box are the piecings for a quilt and my sewing machine.
6. I worked on this cross-stitch all last winter but see that bottom corner? Not done. I started it for my cousin Betsy for her wedding. She got married in June 2003.
7. This is a mini tote bag for Sammy Pants. I started it last fall (2008) so she would have something to carry her lunch in for school.
Such silliness! Such waste! Of space, of money, of time never spent. I can’t even believe it! I have boxes and boxes of stuff like this. Great ideas! Wishful thinkings! Hopeful pursuits! Most never finished, and some never even begun.
And yet the problem is that deep inside I feel like I want to just paint and paint until I run out of media. Or sew and sew until my machine breaks. Or knit and knit until my fingers bleed. If I could I would spend all day creating. I have hours before I sleep to spend time doing this. But I just. can’t. get. there. WHY!?!?! I get so frustrated with myself. And I’m so disappointed.
And so… today I begin. Well, tomorrow. But this blog is the real beginning. I will do ONE THING every week that is creative, and NOT for school. And I will post my progress here, on le-petit-elephant.com. And if I don’t do it, I want you, readers, all 23 of you out there, to email me. Annoyingly. Until I post. And if, by my birthday, March 14 2010, I have not posted at least 3/4 of the weeks, I will put all of my art supplies up for donation. Even my two easels. Because it is a WASTE to have such lovely supplies and not use them. And a waste of ideas. And a waste of time to not be spending time doing what I really enjoy doing. I’m serious. This is ridiculous.
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3 November, 2009 at 23:00
Lesa B
So tell me again what you’ve been up to these past few months? Moving to a new home, oh and the most fabulous wedding in July, oh and before that, new job, new class, and before that moving to Boston, oh and before that new job, moving to Williamstown, and. Silly girl. Enjoy the present…xoxo (be patient, be patient…) xoxo
4 November, 2009 at 15:35
GS
Silly lovey pants!!! Let’s look at it this way, shall we, along with what the ever wise & beautiful Lesa B had to say: you’ve begun so many projects! you have so many skills! you have a full life, an interesting one. full of friends, family, hobbies, animals and yes, work. I understand the frustration related to not having enough time to do your own thing; but I won’t let you use the word “disappointed.” You, my dear, are NOT disappointing. You’re inspiring and inspired, busy, caring and talented. How many people can display so many different gorgeous pieces of work, in so many different media?
But I do want to support your goal of finishing some of your projects. I have a BUNCH of UFOs, too. We can send each other pics of our progress, however quickly or slowly that happens. ‘kay?
Love you lots and can’t wait to celebrate how much more you’ve accomplished on your bday 🙂
5 November, 2009 at 23:11
CT
Hi Anna!
AM sent me over to your blog! First of all- GORGEOUS projects, all of them! I love all the photos! And each one, no matter how unfinished, is inspiring!
And please, please don’t feel disappointed by your unfinished projects! I think that’s how the most creative minds work! You get a burst of inspiration, you have some time to channel that into the project that suits that inspiration best, and then, sometimes you’re hit with the reality that there really are only 24 hours in each day.
I won’t even begin to list the number of unfinished projects, and their respective materials and tools, that are coming to Boston with me! (sorry, LT, and your lovely little apartment!)
I like your thought of posting photos of your progress. The thing that gets me going to finish an unfinished project is a deadline I impose on myself. Ex: if I don’t get this done, I won’t have my Christmas present ready for three people! Aaak!
But if some of your projects aren’t deadline based, revel in them for what they are: explorations and experimentations and expressions of beauty! 🙂
9 November, 2009 at 13:29
Anna B.
Thaaanks! I needed to do SOMETHING to light a fire under my bum. AMC and I were thinking of creating a sub-blog for folks to go on and post pictures of their unfinished projects, and then writing about their adventures in finishing them (or starting new ones)!
8 November, 2009 at 12:23
Awesome! «
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